Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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