ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
