i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize