i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
