at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
worst night to have a conscience
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
