ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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