I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
