Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
