who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
