apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
