After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
