rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
where are my eyebrows?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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