He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
