i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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