Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
