So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
