Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
