its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
