i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Your shirt... Was in my pants
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
