I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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