What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
