awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The adults are the big ones right?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
