so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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