I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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