Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
