the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
