I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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