Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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