happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just invented taco cereal.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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