do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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