so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
