So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
