just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize