Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
