I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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