I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
