I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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