I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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