The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
