You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
