I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
time to smoke my breakfast
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
