Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
