We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have fence marks all over my body
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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