Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
