Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
