The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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