i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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