Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
