i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need a burrito and a hug.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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