How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.