sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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