it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood