just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.