i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs