I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
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Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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