I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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