She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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