Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
