Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
