nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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