You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it glows. i had to have it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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