I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
