so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
