I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
