I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
