I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
