you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
