he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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