He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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