Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
