I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
