I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How external is "for external use only"?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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