mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
