I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
