the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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