If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
