Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
