I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
