I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
