So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
