Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize