How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
